Weep Not For the Memories
by doyoufeellikeyourfallingdown
Summary: In the wake of Sam's funeral, Dean looks back at his and Sam's life. Warning: Character Death, Tip: Listen to I Will Remember You by Sarah Mclaughling while reading!


Ok, so yeah, I was listening to "I Will Remember You" by Sarah Mclaughlin and I was like crying cause every time I hear it I burst into tears because right after 9 11 they had a commercial where it showed the twin towers and then the planes hitting the twin towers and then them falling down and all these people crying and that song was playing in the back round. And for some reason, when I heard it, I couldn't help but think of if Sam had died if this song would go through Dean's head, so yeah, this is a death fic, but it is mostly memories. Don't kill me if you hate it! Or if it completely sucks!

Oh! And one more thing, I think this song was suppose to be about a sexual relationship between a girl and a guy, but I in NO WAY think that about Sam and Dean, but I just like the chorus! So please just ignore the sexual aspect of this song!

_I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Dont let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories_

"Let him rest in peace."

These were the words that finally brought Dean Winchester realization.

He looked around him, searching for his father.

"_He should have at least come for this, that bastard."_

But Dean knew that he wouldn't be seeing his father anytime soon. He doubted his father even knew about the tragic event that had only happened a week ago.

Only a few people stood with him at the freshly covered grave sight, most of them Sam's old college friends.

They each went up and quickly paid their respects, desperate to get out of the pouring rain that was plummeting from the sky above.

When the rain had first started, Dean was pissed at the heavens that they felt that they had to desecrate this day, but the more he thought about it, the more it made sense.

After all, a Winchester life wasn't ever the happiest.

Hell, Dean thought, the angels could be mourning for Sam for all he knew.

Soon, all had left, leaving the brothers alone.

Sam and Dean Winchester, up against the whole fucking world.

The only problem with that is that now Dean was all that was left

Dean stared at the tombstone, the tears stinging his eyes.

_Sam Winchester_

_1982-2006_

_Beloved Brother, Son, and Friend_

_May He Rest In Peace_

It had been a week since it had happened, but until this exact moment, Dean could not bring himself to believe that his Sammy, his brother was gone.

The tears left tracks on his face, but they quickly blended in with the rain drops that now cleansed his face.

Dean knew that he should leave soon, but he was horrified of the thought of Sam not coming with him.

Sam had to stay here, forever.

Dean would never see him smile, get angry, laugh, cry. All of them, never again.

They would only exist in his memory, Sam would only exist in his memory.

_Remember the good times that we had?  
I let them slip away from us when things got bad  
How clearly I first saw you smilin in the sun  
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one_

"Hey, Sammy! Come here!"

The slightly overweight four year old ran to the sound of his brother's voice.

"Dean, where is daddy?" Sammy asked, running into the living room.

"He went to work," the 8 year old lied for his father.

"Oh, ok. What did you want, Dean?"

"You favorite show is on, Sammy. Power Rangers is on!" Dean said, pointing at the TV where the multicolored figures ran back an forth across the screen.

At first the little boy's face light up with excitement, but just as quickly has it had come, it snapped into horror. "Oh! Oh, no, Dean. Hurry, turn it off! Turn it off!"

"What? Why, Sammy? You love the Power Rangers."

But the youngest Winchester just closed his eyes, shook his head and backed away slowly, mumbling, "No, oh no, no!"

Finally, Dean ran to his little brother and grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Sammy, calm down. Just tell me why you don't wanna watch it any more?"

"Because," Sam took a deep breath and sniffled, "when I told Daddy that I wanted to be a power ranger and that they would always make bad things go away, Daddy gots mad and said that they aren't real, that I'm not allowed to like them. He said that if I was ever in trouble, they wouldn't save me. He said that they couldn't be my heroes, that I didn't need them. He was really mad Dean."

Finally, Sammy finished his speech and broke down into sobs, burying his head in his brother's shoulder.

"Aww, Sammy," he brought the shaking boy into a hug, enveloping his in his arms, "Shhh, it's ok. Here, we can watch power rangers and we just won't tell Daddy. Okay?"

Dean felt more than saw Sammy shake his head 'yes' and pick his little brother up off the ground and carried him to the couch.

And there they sat, Sam snuggled into Dean's side, Dean's arm slung around him. They watched the whole episode, Sam gasping when the monster attacked one of the good guys. Finally it finished and Dean snapped off the TV.

"That was a good episode, wasn't it, Sammy?" Dean asked, lightly shaking the lump next to him.

Sam nodded, but then looked up at his brother, the expression on his face showing that he was thinking hard.

"Dean," he said after a while, "I think Daddy was right."

"What? Why would you think that?"

"Because I don't need the Power Rangers, I've got something much betterer."

"Yeah, Sam, what's that?"

"A big brother. You're my superhero!"

_I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories  
_

Dean Winchester walked into his kitchen and immediately saw something that he didn't like.

His little brother sat on the window sill, staring out at the falling snow and looking impossibly sad.

"Hey, Sammy, whatcha doin?"

The eleven year old spun around, causing himself to fall off his perch on the window sill.

He composed himself, trying to make the fall look intentional and responded, "Oh, nothing. When's Dad coming home?"

"Not for a couple more days, Sammy."

"Oh," came the quiet reply.

"You ok, Sam?" Dean asked, walking over to his brother.

Sam started to shake his head yes, but stopped. He couldn't hold it in any longer.

"No, Dean, I'm not."

Dean visibly cringed. He had prayed this would not be the answer.

"You wanna… talk about it?"

Sam hesitated, unsure of what to do or where to start.

"Do you realize that we have never had a Christmas? Like a real Christmas, with a turkey and presents. With family and joy all around us. I'm just sick of this life Dean. I can't take it. We never live anywhere for more than 4 weeks and we hunt things that most people would think we were crazy for even believing in them. Don't you ever get sick of it? Moving all the time? Never having a full meal? Never celebrating holidays?"

It was Dean's turn to hesitate. He sighed. He wished silently that Sammy was four and could be cheered up with a simple Power Rangers episode.

"Yeah, Sammy, I get sick of it. Really, I do. But Sam, we weren't meant to have the life so many have. We weren't meant to celebrate holidays and live in a world with a perfect little white-picket fence surrounding it. We're Winchesters, the silent heroes, protecting the world from evil without the smallest recognition. Sure, the perks that come with the job aren't what you would call preferable, but hey, at least Dad never shoved nasty vegetable down our throats."

Sam couldn't help but smirk in spite of himself.

"Silent heroes, huh?"

"The best kind, you know."

"Whatever you say, Jerk," Sam said, sarcastically but with love.

"That's right, Bitch. I am always right, no matter what I say."

Sam chuckled. That was Dean for you.

He looked out the window, staring at the falling snow, still a little upset.

"Hey, Sammy?"

"Yeah?"

"Wanna build a snowman?"

_I'm so tired but I can't sleep  
Standin on the edge of something much too deep  
Its funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word  
We are screaming inside, but we cant be heard_

Sam's door slammed shut at the teen ran inside, angered by his father.

Dean sighed. Another fight. They had been happening more and more often now that Sam was 15. Dean was starting to think he wasn't the only little spit fire in the family.

He walked to Sam's locked door and knocked lightly.

"Can I come in?" Dean asked gently.

There was a sniffle and then a quiet response.

"No."

_God damn it, Sam. Why are you so stubborn?_

"Are you really going to make me go all the way into the kitchen to get a paperclip?"

There was an audible agitated sigh from the inside of the room, a rustle and creek of springs, and then a ping as the door was unlocked.

"Thank you," Dean said stepping in the room.

Sam sat on his bed, arms crossed, cheeks tear streaked.

"You wanna tell me what happened?" Dean asked, taking a seat at the end of the bed.

"Dad flipped out on me," Sam huffed.

"Tell me something I don't know. Why did he get mad?"

"Because I wanted to play on the soccer team."

_Dad had gotten mad because of that?_

"I'm sure he just didn't want you to get too attached to it and not want to leave when we were done with the job."

"Well he could have just said that. He didn't have to scream at me.

"Sam, you know Dad is under a lot of stress lately. He just doesn't know how to talk to you. You can't take it personally."

"I know, Dean, but… I just really wanted to play."

"Well, do you want me to talk to him?"

Sam looked up, his hopefulness shinning in his eyes.

"You would do that."

Dean gave him a funny look, "Would I do that for you? Are you kidding?" He scooted over to Sam and gave him a noogie.

"Would I do that for you? Well, duh! I am your 'Superhero', of course."

_I'd do anything for you, Sammy. _

"Hey! Shut up! You promised you would never bring that up again!" Sam said, vainly trying escape his brother's deathly grip.

"Aww you don't think I'm your superhero, Sammy?"

"Nope!" Sam said, smiling triumphantly as he finally freed himself of the dreaded noogie.

At this, Dean picked his baby brother up in a fireman's carry, spinning around and around and then threw Sam on to the bed.

"Now am I your superhero? I made you fly!"

"No! NEVER!" Sam screamed, laughing. He jumped off the bed, trying to escape his lunging brother, but Dean caught him around the mid section and tackled them both to the ground. From here, Dean began to tickle the squirming mass beneath him.

Sam gasped for air between his laugher. Finally he managed to yell, "Dean! Stop! I'm… going… to pee… my pants! You're my superhero! YOU'RE MY SUPERHERO!"

"Who's your superhero, Sammy? Your batman, your Power Ranger?"

"YOU ARE!"

The tickling stopped and Dean rolled off his brother and laid down next to him.

They both laid there, breathing hard and still laughing, happy that they had someone to travel down the rocky road of life with.

_I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories  
_

"Sammy, don't do this. Don't leave."

Sam turned away from his suitcase and looked at his brother, both their eyes filled with tears.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I really am. But I have to do this. I have to go to college. I have dreamed of this since first grade, Dean."

He turned away, knowing that if he stared at his brother's sadden face too long, he would lose his nerve and never leave.

"Sam, please. This is so stupid, I mean-"

"Stupid! Something that I have wanted my whole life is stupid! Thanks, Dean, thanks."

"Aww, come on, Sam, you know I didn't mean it like that.

"That's the thing Dean, you did mean it. You wouldn't have said it if you didn't. You just don't understand how important this is to me."

"Ok, Sam, you're right, I don't understand."

"All I have _ever_ wanted was a normal life, Dean. This is the only way out, as far as I can see."

Dean didn't know what to say. He was drawl between two emotions. One was selfish, wanted Sammy to say so Dean, himself, would be happy, even if Sam was not. The other wanted just the opposite, for Sam to leave and lead the life he desired so deeply.

But Dean made the decision.

He chose Sammy over himself, as he always had.

"You really want this, don't you?"

"Yes, I do"

Dean took a deep breath and then let it out.

"Then go."

"What?"

"You heard me, Sammy. Go."

"You're not mad?"

"No, not mad, but I am upset. I mean- I want you to be happy, but," he paused here and looked his baby brother in the eyes, "I'm kindda gonna miss you ass. You know, every once in a while.

The tears trickled down both of their faces.

"Yeah, I think I might just miss you, too. But just a little."

Dean started to laugh, but it turned into a sob. He walked over to his brother and engulfed him in a hug.

"Take care of yourself, Sammy," he whispered through his tears.

"You, too. Don't do anything stupid, like get yourself killed, Jerk."

"I won't Bitch. I'll be here, waiting for when you get back so I can kick you out of shape ass back into working."

Sam laughed, grabbed his suitcase, and walked towards the door. When he was right at the threshold, he turned.

"You know, Dean, you're my superhero," he said quietly.

Dean turned to him, pointing his finger.

"And don't you ever forget it."

_I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose  
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose  
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night  
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light_

"SAMMY!"

Dean's heart stopped as he saw his brother fall to the ground.

He turned to the ghostly figured that had just passed through Sammy and fired his salt gun at it.

He smiled, satisfied as it shrieked in pain and disappeared, but the happiness only stayed a moment.

Sammy was hurt.

Dean ran to his brother's side, who now lay gasping for air.

"Sammy? You ok?"

Sam shook his head no, and it was then that Dean noticed the dribble of blood coming from the side of Sammy's mouth.

_Shit, Sammy._

"You ok, Sammy, just hold on."

Dean said this and did not know who he was trying to comfort more: Sam or himself. But despite these words, Dean knew in the pit of his stomach that he was the only one walking out of this building tonight.

"Dean," Sam whispered, struggling through gasps, "It's too… late for… me."

"Don't say that Sammy. Don't you ever say that, _ever._"

But Sam just laughed.

"Dean… don't be… stubborn."

"Sammy, this isn't a laughing matter. We have to get you to a hospital."

He picked up his cell phone and started to dial when it was slapped out of his hand.

"Dean… please… don't spend… your last minutes with me… on the phone."

"Stop it, Sammy. Don't you give up on me, don't you ever give up."

"I'm… sorry… Dean."

His eyes fluttered, threatening to close forever, and Dean came to the sick reality that these were the last moments that he would ever spend with his brother, his Sammy.

"No, Sammy. Please Sammy, don't leave me."

"I… love… you, Dean." He reached up and cupped Dean's face in his hand.

"No, Sammy, don't leave. Don't go where I can't follow. I need you, Sammy. Oh god, Sammy, you can't leave me like this. Please, Sammy!"

"Goodbye… Super…hero. Love you."

His had fell limply to his side and his eyes became glossy and unfocused, and, although he still stared at Dean, they would never see his superhero again.

"No. Sammy. Oh god, please, no. Sammy, wake up. Wake up, now, Sam. Stop it, STOP IT! WAKE UP!"

Sobs shook the eldest Winchester's body, wracking it back and forth.

"I'm so sorry Sammy. I'm so sorry. Please, come back. Don't leave me alone, Sammy. You know I can't be alone. Oh my god. Please Sammy. Don't be gone. Come back.

Please, Sammy, come back."

_And I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Don't let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories_

Dean Winchester now kneeled at his baby brother's grave, covered in tears, rain and mud.

"I wish you were here, Sammy. I miss you so much."

"I know you're… you're probably up there, laughing at me for being, you know, such a pussy. Hell, I'd be laughing at me now, if, you know, weren't… you know. Dead."

"I, ah, I don't know what to do anymore, Sammy. I can't find Dad, he didn't come Sammy, I'm sorry. I guess I will just have to do some more jobs, until I figure out to do with myself."

"You know, Sammy, I was just, ah, thinking about when you were younger. You always wanted a normal life. I'm sorry that you never got it. You're the one that deserved it the most, out of everyone in the world."

"I hope that you are, you know, happy up there. Say hi to Jessica and Mom for me."

"Well, I just wanted… I wanted to say… Goodbye, Sammy. Hopefully you'll think of me from time to time while you're up there. I'll always be thinking of you. I'll always love you, Sammy."

"And, please, don't ever forget that."

_And I will remember you  
Will you remember me?  
Dont let your life pass you by  
Weep not for the memories  
Weep not for the memories_


End file.
